As a society we have been encouraged to avoid conversations that are uncomfortable to have or cause someone to get upset. We are taught to not “air our dirty laundry in public”, and not to “wear our hearts on our sleeves”. The very sad part of this is that this has spread into all aspects of our lives, including talking about death, dying and grief.
By avoiding these such very important conversations, we miss the opportunities to learn and be prepared for our own deaths and those of our loved ones. We create unnecessary anxieties about what happens naturally to our bodies as we approach the last days and hours of life. We lose the opportunity to explore and share with our loved ones what will really matter to us as we approach death. By not knowing about all of the tasks that need to be completed and prepared for before we die, we cause our loved ones unnecessary additional stress at a time when they are most vulnerable.
Many people believe that by talking about end of life planning with our loved ones that we will somehow make it happen sooner. Yes, it is understandable that we do not wish to think about our own mortality or that of our loved ones. However I hate to break it to you, the only guarantee we have in this life is that 100% of us are going to die at some point - FACT! When it will happen is another question.
For those individuals who have been diagnosed with a terminal illness or life limiting condition, they may have some insight into their life span. For the majority of us however, we put off having end of life planning conversations as we believe it not to be a priority. We assume that we have multiple years ahead of us to have these conversations. Yet, the reality is none of us know when our time is up.
But I get it, talking about end of life planning can be challenging and perceived to be a little morbid. However, what we do know is that those people who have these conversations early whilst they are either fit and well, or in the early stages of a life limiting illness, will not have the stress of having to have these conversations when emotions are really high. They can be assured that their personal wishes at end of life will be met, and that their loved ones can be assured that all plans have been made to reduce their levels of stress at a time when they are feeling most vulnerable.
Talking about death does not make it happen sooner and avoiding the topic certainly will not prevent it from happening. However, talking about death and dying will offer people the time and space to explore their options and share their wishes with their loved ones. Talking about death and dying creates opportunities for us to learn about support systems that can be accessed and the practical steps that need to be taken before and after death. Most importantly, the more we talk about death and dying, the more normal the conversation is. Get talking!
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